Choice Feminism.

Choice feminism needs to die a violent death.

It is lazy, misinformed and it’s really just a branch of patriarchy stuffed in a cute box.

First things first, what is choice feminism?

Basically, it is the belief that any choice a woman makes is inherently feminist simply because she chooses it, emphasizing individual agency over collective political action. It started during the 3rd wave of feminism and it posits that women should not be judged for their choices, be it pursuing careers or becoming stay at home mums.

That definition is flawed. It ignores context and cultural norms that shape the makings of a choice because choices aren’t made in a vacuum. It really depoliticizes the feminist movement because it presents an individualistic approach to fighting a systemic problem.  Like every other movement, feminism is political and should be treated as such. Since when do we solve institutional issues with individualistic solutions? What happened to collectivism?

People make the mistake of saying and believing that feminism is about choice. Feminism is NOT about choice. It’s about liberating ALL women. (Read intersectionality).

And it’s pertinent to note that because it’s a woman making a choice, doesn’t make said choice inherently feminist.

Choosing to be a stay at home mom is not a feminist choice. Why?

Because individual decisions are shaped by broader social and economic pressures, it can create financial dependence that leaves women vulnerable, and when many women make the same choice that reinforces traditional gender roles, it draws us back by miles.

If you as a woman are making choices that reinforce the patriarchy, feminism will not back you up because why can’t you make feminist choices?

Why are you using your freedom to stay in bondage?

So that this choice thing doesn’t remain a vague concept, I’m going to give examples of choices that are in fact NOT feminist.

Being a stay at home mom (I’m not talking about those moms that do content on TikTok. They are working and getting paid, don’t be deceived), taking your husband’s name by default, putting your own career advancement on hold for your male partner, upholding purity culture, amongst other things.

A brief segue to the topic of benevolent patriarchy; Case in point- Love in every word (that Achalugo movie on YouTube).

It was a cute movie no doubt. But the message it passes across is part of the problem. You might say oh it’s just a movie, it’s not that deep. But it really IS that deep and we should all stop pretending like media (literature, music, films etc) aren’t mirrors of society.

The movie makes you want a rich man. I know, everybody wants a rich man, but that movie specifically makes you wish for one. It makes you believe that you will marry a wealthy man, even if you aren’t anywhere near that circle. It sells the dream: you’ll marry a rich man who loves you exactly as you are, provides for you, treats you right, and ALLOWS you to be yourself and pursue your career. The typical benevolent man.

It’s all bullshit, really because a cage isn’t less of a cage because it has a pretty pink bow on it.

This is part of a larger problem because we constantly teach women to position themselves to be "found" by a man. I’m not saying the main character in this movie positioned herself that way, quite the opposite, actually, but the message remains the same: if you are lucky enough, you’ll find a "good one."

This is the issue with the whole thing. Women are so obsessed with finding a "good man," and I get so irritated when I see posts like, "I will marry once and I will marry right," or "I will marry a kind man."

Listen, the people who marry men who aren’t kind, or who are wrong for them, didn't necessarily do anything "wrong" or different from you. It isn't their fault. They aren’t just unlucky, and it isn't always the consequence of some specific action they took.

It is incredibly tone deaf to suggest otherwise. Society tells women that if you do the right things—if you’re a good girl and play your cards right—a good man will just fall into your hands like a prize catch during a fishing trip.

This rhetoric is harmful, and it needs to die.

Instead of waiting for a rich man to come and save you, invest that energy in saving yourself.  I hate to break to you but there aren’t enough “Rich men” to go around. And I just know some people will read this and in their minds would insist that they’re one of the lucky few. (So sorry my sister).

In the same vein, those silly tiktok “femininity coaches” need to log off. The time you’re using to tell women stupid nonsense, channel it into something actually worth everybody’s while.

Back to the issue of choice in feminism. Yes, having autonomy as a woman is incredibly important but when a woman makes a patriarchal choice, it is the job of feminism to critique the system that makes that choice more common or necessary for women than men.

Feminism is not a happy-go-lucky movement where any decision gets a pass just because a woman made it. It was never meant to be comfortable or palatable. You can’t do whatever you want and sweep it under the rug of “feminist choice,” because that ignores material reality. Patriarchal structures, wage gaps, unpaid care work, and cultural expectations don’t disappear just because we relabel a choice as feminist. If your choice reinforces the same systems feminism is trying to dismantle (systems that keep women dependent, underpaid, or confined to traditional gender roles), it will be rejected and challenged within feminism. That’s because feminism is a political movement with goals, not a stamp for personal preference. It exists to transform conditions and change patterns that affect women as a group, not just to validate individual decisions made inside those constraints.

“It’s my choice” Is it really?

P.S; Please make whatever choice works for you mehn. You can actually do whatever you like. Where the issue lies is when you push those choices as feminist when they aren’t.